I just bought a MacBook in November, and two months later the CD Port has quit working. It wont suck in the CDs at all, it just makes the noise as if it is, if that makes any sense.
I've even tried to ease it in, and it just stays in place and makes the noise as if it's recognizing it over and over until I awkwardly get the CD to come out.

Help!! I'm a total Mac RETARD and don't have a clue what to do. :(

> Help!! I'm a total Mac RETARD and don't have a clue what to do.
You're not a retard. Macs aren't supposed to do that.

Since you just bought your MacBook, the best thing to do right now is to get the CD drive replaced, as it's likely broken. Since it's new, warranty will replace it for free.

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