Jokes - Page 9

[almostbob]

the peter pan puns

Why is PeterPan flying
He neverlands
I love this joke, it never grows old
It has a nice hook
That doesn't make sense I'm lost boys
Beat Smee how you didn't get it

[ddanbe]

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said 'nothing'.

The reason I said 'nothing' instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she then would have asked 'about what ?'

At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they "know"?

Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really "know", here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap.

[RikTelner]

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they "know"?

Woman have less pain than man, but have it on longer term, kick in the nuts is way more powerful but on short-term. Just like "The End", when you make children.

[Reverend Jim]

My Dad was a conjoined twin at birth. I called his brother my uncle on my father's side.
"That is sick", said my friend Scott.
It's ok, they were surgically separated.
"Oh, good".
Now I call him my uncle once removed.

[Reverend Jim]

Here is possibly the most obscure riddle ever.

Q: What is Peewee Herman's favourite opera?

A: Tales of Hoffman

[ddanbe]

An ordinary Dutch conversation translated literally to English.
Anyone in to learn Dutch?

[ddanbe]

Dad, from whom do I have my intelligence?
Hm, I think from your mother.
I still have mine.

[happygeek]

A Russian spy, a sex pest and a billionaire walk into a bar.

The barman says: "Hello Mr President..."

[Reverend Jim]

A few years ago Lewis Black did some schtick about how Michael Jackson had become his own punch line. Trump is there now. Unfortunately with Trump as the punch line, that makes the US the joke. Did you happen to catch the video of the comb-over on the back of his head blowing away?

BTW - Anyone ever figure out the Peewee Herman reference?

[jkon]

• manager : “your code produced unexpected results , sometimes loosely based on input”
• programmer : “thank you , you now have to pay me for this AI”