So. Does anyone have any good programming/computing jokes?

[humorousone]

While I wait for a response, I'm going to spend some time reading fifty shades of grey code.

[Slavi]

Yes we do! - > Click Here

[humorousone]

Well, look stupid. Thanks.

[Reverend Jim]

I worked with a few programming jokes, but to be fair, they probably thought the same of me.

[vegaseat]

I get errors when I try to compile this code ...

typedef struct n{int a:3,
b:29;struct n*c;}t;t*
f();r(){}m(u)t*u;{t*w,*z;
z=u->c,q(z),u->b=z->b*10,
w=u->c=f(),w->a=1,w->c=z->
c;}t*k;g(u)t*u;{t*z,*v,*p,
*x;z=u->c,q(z),u->b=z->b,v
=z->c,z->a=2,x=z->c=f(),x
->a=3,x->b=2,p=x->c=f(),p
->c=f(),p->c->a=1,p->c->c=
v;}int i;h(u)t*u;{t*z,*v,*
w;int c,e;z=u->c,v=z->c,q(
v),c=u->b,e=v->b,u->b=z->b
,z->a=3,z->b=c+1,e+9>=c&&(
q(z),e=z->b,u->b+=e/c,w=f(
),w->b=e%c,w->c=z->c,u->c=
w);}int(*y[4])()={r,m,g,h};
char *sbrk();main(){t*e,*p,*o;
o=f(),o->c=o,o->b=1,e=f(),
e->a=2,p=e->c=f(),p->b=2,
p->c=o,q(e),e=e->c,(void)write
(1,"2.",2);for(;;e=e->c){q(e),
e->b=write(1,&e->b["0123456789"],
1);}}t*f(){return i||(i=1000,
k=(t*)sbrk(i*sizeof(t))),k+--i;
}q(p)t*p;(*y[p->a])(p);}

I am using Windows7.

[Reverend Jim]

If you asked me to guess your profession I would have to say engineer. I never knew one who didn't write code like that.

[vegaseat]

Every bug you find is the last one.
Oh my giddy aunt, computer language is more baffling than bloomin French!!

[mike_2000_17]

Every bug you find is the last one.

I've been finding my last bug every week for the past 10 years... yep, that's how good I am. I found my last bug ever last week, now my code is flawless. ;)

I would have to say engineer. I never knew one who didn't write code like that.

Hey, I'm an engineer. Are you saying you don't know me RJ? Or are you saying my code is shit?

[Reverend Jim]

I suppose I should have said all but one ;-P. Because I don't browse the C/C++ threads I can honestly say I've never seen your code (although I am sure it is exceptional - grovel, grovel). I should add that my experience is only with engineers who are self-taught programmers and all of them graduated before computer engineering was a thing. Oh the horror stories I could tell. I am pretty sure I shared the worst example of coding (FORTRAN) I ever saw in another thread somewhere. IIt was written by an engineer at Westinghouse who wrote code for a living.

[vegaseat]

Programmers not only byte, the also nibble a bit.

(nipple was wishful thinking, corrected, thanks RJ)

[vegaseat]

By the time a programmer removes the last bug, the software is obsolete.

[vegaseat]

The dynamic declination flag was accidentally switched to EIEIO. Check your atomic memory pool for floaters because they're probably causing the kernel to pop. But be careful because the memory manager is volatile and could cause the entire pipeline to dump core.

[vegaseat]

Remember that a multitasking programmer is one that can read in the bathroom.

[vegaseat]

"If debugging is the process of removing bugs,
Then programming must be the process of putting them in."
... Edsger Dijkstra

[vegaseat]

Theory is when you know something, but it doesn't work.
Practice is when something works, but you don't know why it works.
Programmers combine Theory and Practice: Nothing works and they don't know why.

[vegaseat]

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
something right, there's a 90% probability that you'll get it wrong.

[vegaseat]

Technology for the Country folk...

LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter.
LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove.
DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk.
MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood.
FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood.
RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time.
PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.
WINDOWS: Whut to shut wen it's cold outside.
SCREEN: Whut to shut wen it's blak fly season.
BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.
CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.
MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag.
MODEM: Whut cha did to the hay fields.
DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife.
LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.
KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the keys.
SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifs.
MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.
MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.
PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine
ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'mon in y'all"
RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain't 'member whut ya paid
fer the rifle when yore wife asks.

[vegaseat]

2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue ...

[DaveAmour]

Not a joke as such but one I use a lot.

"Ahh that' would be a PICNIC error"?

Problem In Chair, Not In Computer.

[DaveAmour]

Or sometimes in real production code I have been know to use silly variables like Underpants particularly with foreach...

foreach (var item in pairOfUnderPants)
{

}

[DaveAmour]

And finally

There are only 10 types of people. Those who understand binary and those who don't.

[vegaseat]

Starting today, we are shifting to a two-tiered service: Everyone can use our basic service, Twttr, but you only get consonants. For five dollars a month, you can use our premium “Twitter” service which also includes vowels.

[legionhoster]

Where do you live?
I live in 127.0.0.1

I know, it is a sad joke :P

[vegaseat]

There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple.

[CodingCricket]

Mom: Go to the store and buy one bottle of milk. IF they have eggs bring back 3.

I come back with 3 bottles of milk.

Mom: Why did you get 3 bottles of milk?

Me: Because they had eggs.

[ZZucker]

Creative answering machine messages:

"You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice
patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is
done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for
literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge
for this initial consultation. However, our staff of professional
extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the
benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payments.
Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you."