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I wrote an About page for Dazah today, and was really hoping to get some opinions and feedback.

https://www.dazah.com/welcome/about

Thanks so much in advance!!

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  • Latest Post Latest Post by diafol
Member Avatar for nullptr

I think it would be more appealing if it were written in the first person - or at least the opening spiel. :)

Member Avatar for pritaeas

I agree, take charge of your product.

Edited by pritaeas
Member Avatar for diafol

Yes I second (or third) that. Sounds like you got a copywriter to do it. While I know you're not a pretentious person, these third person affairs always strike me as such

Member Avatar for ddanbe

No harm done I guess, she didn't use the pluralis majestatis :D

Member Avatar for Dani

Sorry for the silence, and thank you for the feedback everyone. I ended up redoing the homepage and incorporating as much of the wording as I could there with screenshots. Hopefully that will make it less intimidating.

Member Avatar for nullptr

My two cents worth for the homepage opening ( a slight rewrite):
https://www.dazah.com/

Introducing Dazah, a unique business-oriented social messaging platform designed for the busy professional who works in high touch sales, marketing or business development and in any industry. Dazah provides an alternative or addition to attending industry networking events as a means of acquiring leads.

BTW, It's a nice looking site :)

Member Avatar for Dani

Think I have too much of a run-on sentence, eh? :)

Member Avatar for diafol

Third person is still leaving me cold. Sorry.

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