Joke Post

[cwarn23]

I borrowed a friends computer and needed to make an online payment. So I looked at the box then placed my credit card into the floppy drive to make the payment. The payment didn't work but now my credit card is stuck in a friends computer. Does anybody know how to fetch a credit card from a floppy drive?
I read this one on the net and if you have any statements like it then please share... So funny lol.

[Seten]

Please "Press any key" to continue.

[cwarn23]

Hmm, where's the any key. I see ctrl and alt. I think I might just order a tab. Ow, computers starting.

[GrimJack]

Hey, while you are working on that - can you fix the cup holder that came with my new computer? I put my large mug on it and it broke and spilled coffee everywhere.

[vegaseat]

"PC Helpline, how may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C:\> prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a
little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord
goes into it. Can you see that?"
[sound of rustling and jostling then muffled]
"Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the
wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other
cable."
[rustle rustle] [muffled]
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of
your computer."
[still muffled]
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark
in here."
"Dark?"
"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from
the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power what? AAARRRGGGGHHHHH!"

[samarudge]

My cousin asked if I could upgrade her laptop to web 2.0 =)

[Seten]

I have a friend (studies teaching, girl) and she asked me for help that she has a problem with a files on Windows
Story:
From her friend she received a zipped executable. But she couldn't extract the executable file. But the file was in the zip file (DZ internal zip browser)
Me:
I came there and I couldn't do it too. Running the executable in the zip file was showing an windows error. After few minutes of trying I realized, that the issue could be somewhere else. The executable was heavy trojan(ed) and virused. And the antivirus application didn't allowed to extract it. But still it didn't showed any error or notifications about infected file. I looked in the logs of AV and there it was written. Told her, that the file is dangerous that the antivirus application is preventing it to be extracted because of safety.
She sad OK.
After a day I asked her if her friend send her again the file. She replied no, that she has stopped the antivirus application and extracted and run the executable. I told her, that she should not call me anymore for any problems related to her laptop.

[cwarn23]

There's smoke coming out of my cpu again and I'm not sure what to do. I googled it and found the answer to be "your waffles are ready". I guess it's not a good idea to cook my waffles on the cpu.

[vegaseat]

There's smoke coming out of my cpu again and I'm not sure what to do. I googled it and found the answer to be "your waffles are ready". I guess it's not a good idea to cook my waffles on the cpu.

Finally, a good use of the CPU.

[samarudge]

I think we need to define some basic keywords

all new
Not compatible with earlier versions.

computer expert:
Someone who has not read the instructions, but who will nevertheless feel qualified to install a program and, when it does not function correctly, pronounce it incompatible with the operating system.

clicklexia
A disorder often suffered by novice computer users in which they have a tendency to double-click on items which only require one click, often resulting in two items opening instead of just one.

egosurfing
Typing your own name into google to see who’s talking about you.

FAQ
Frequently Avoided Questions. A company's attempt to answer commonly asked questions such as, "How do I get technical support?"

feature
A hardware limitation, as described by a marketing representative.

flow chart
A graphic representation of a bowl of spaghetti.

freelance
To collect unemployment.

hardware
The parts of a computer which can be kicked.

inbox
A catch basin for everything you don't want to deal with, but are afraid to throw away.

instruction manual
An explanation of how to use something written in a way that is easily understood only by the author.

mouse
An input device designed to make computer errors easier to generate.

Windows
The most expensive way of generating suicidal tendency in yourself.

UNIX
Software designed to make people who don't like Windows feel special

Mac
Hardware/software for people who sleep on a bed of money

password
Series of letters and numbers written on a post-it note and stuck on a monitor.

recursive
See recursive.

search engine
A program that enables computer users to locate information and advertisers to locate computer users.

telecrastination
The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

File
A document that has been saved with an unidentifiable name. It helps to think of a file as something stored in a file cabinet - except when you try to remove the file, the cabinet gives you an electric shock and tells you the file format is unknown.

Printer
A joke in poor taste. A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

Users
Collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor. Users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert.
* Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
* Intermediate Users - People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.
* Expert Users - People who break other people's computers.

And a quick guide to version control and naming

Alpha
Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."

Beta
Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work." It is worth noting that "Release 1.0" can also be translated as "still doesn't work but rent was due".

Release Candidate
Still doesn't work but no-one in management uses it so they will never know

[GrimJack]

Most common computer problem is the interface between the chair and the keyboard

[cwarn23]

Most common computer problem is the interface between the chair and the keyboard

Do you mean the computers loop interface...

[apegram]

Most common computer problem is the interface between the chair and the keyboard

Ah, ye olde PEBKAC error.

[almostbob]

W3Confusingum.net note:
PEBKAC ; text code errors have been superseded by id(number) errors,
use of id allows access to error handling using id=""
this error code replaced by ID10T error code :P

[trohit]

A colleague narrated how boys with girlie mannerisms in their college campus were called floats, referring to their hands floating in the air. "If he spoke with one hand suspended in midair, he was called float and if had both hands suspended in midair, he was called double float."

To which the resident geek girl pointed out, "if its double, the float is implied isn't it ? "

[9thlogin]

Press any key..

[almostbob]

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No idea.(No-eye deer)

what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea...

what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs and no genitalia?
Still no f*****g idea

[JohnnySaur]

# A Prisoner Was About to be Executed.

Just Before his Execution the Officer
Asked him About his any Last Request.

He Said:

I want to Update My Facebook Status.

[Jehnavi]

Simply ask the pc give me back my credit card.If not then go for some action like a hero of film. Another option is to get hired 007 agent james bond to get back your credit card .Funny

[crimsondawn]

The least you spammers could do was post funny jokes.
Go and drill a core and fall in with some concrete, dressed in designer jeans, so we can save money on crossbows, after which we can have some therapy followed by a spa.

[efmesch]

Q. What do you call a fly without wings?
A. A walk